After the feedback (or rather backlash) from my previous post not being informative enough on the topic of “faux views”, I feel compelled (or rather forced at virtual knifepoint) to write a sequel to this. For those who thought that original post was already both sufficiently full of content and delightfully entertaining, please accept my apologies. I’m sure there are thousands of you…
Here are the main categories of faux views, aside from the one addressed here. I am sure if I leave any out I will be told by all of you fellow Addicts!
- The Glad-I-Mastered-High-Jump-At-The-Athletics-Carnival view. This is the view where you have to crane your upper body out of the window at a right angle to see a slight view of something other than your neighbour in their smalls. Beware the re-entry into the window: curtains LOVE masquerading as spiders, which can lead to involuntary jumping when you least need it.
- The Giraffe view. This was referred to in the first post. The view from a high window or over the top of a neighbours roof or solid balcony railing/planter box. Only basketballers or stilt walkers have access to this view.
- The Get-A-Crick view. This is similar to the “High-Jump” view, although a full torso extension from window is replaced with a head and neck protrusion only, with an awkward twist to the latter. The obvious clue to this view type is if the advert mentions anything about “water glimpses”. Make friends with a chiropractor.
- The Double-Take view. This type of view is reflected back into the property with the strategic placement of a mirror. This rather clever trick is frequently employed by stylists, however the refracted sunlight which bounces from glass to eye is normally a dead giveaway of this illusion (along with the burnt cornea). Another possible consequence of this view is whiplash.
- The Crappy House view. This view is fantastic, with the vast feeling of openness between you and the beauty before you. Until you realise that there is a dilapidated single storey house or small paddock between you and said view. This will obviously scream to developers in the same way that the view screams to you, and your view will be gone after the next property boom cycle.
- The Wish-I-Did-Not-Suffer-From-Vertigo view. I feel this one in particular when standing on any balcony with a glass balustrade on the fifth floor or higher with a sheer drop to the street below. This is also a problem when standing on any small balcony where the railing shows even the faintest sign of rust spots and/or the building is so decrepit that it might suffer from concrete cancer. Vertigo sufferers will spend the time wiping the cold sweat from their palms instead of admiring the vista.
There are only a couple of permanent solutions to faux views:
- Move into a viewfront property. This could be beach, harbour, lake, river, bush, forest, whatever. Your view can not be built out, and you will have gun barrel views of your panorama. Most of us do not have this luxury, so we need to consider;
- Create or edit your own view. This involves controlling your own aspect, which could include your garden, your window or window furnishings, or even creating an internal “view”. I have employed each of these strategies at Addict Manor to both deflect attention from those things that I do not want to look at (like my neighbours or the clothesline) and focus on those things that I do, like potted herbs in my kitchen window, a feature wall in the kitchen and a water feature outside my dining room window. There are a number of examples of view creation/editing shown below:
Timber screen. Necessary when our neighbour opted to subdivide his deep block and replace established trees with a house directly next to our main living and outdoor spaces.
Potted herbs in kitchen window. Practical for hiding the area where timber screen shown above ends. Also hides view of neighbours clothesline.
Kitchen feature wall. Helps integrate the stainless steel appliances AND create a focal point within the house. Contents of wine fridge assist with blurring vision in general.
Mirrored vignette. Another focal point in the house, as well as reflecting views of garden into the house (note: mirror is screened from the direct sun by a hedge and privacy screen, so no befriending of optometrists is needed).
Hopefully by providing more information on this topic, I have saved myself from the happy stabbers, although please feel free to comment on anything I may have missed. No, really…
